Mirror, Mirror on the wall....

Don't get me wrong...I LOVED raising kids. I enjoyed the challenge of figuring out the workings of their unique and evolving personalities, loved watching them snap up witticsms like frogs eating flies and scorn advice. I loved the unfolding of their "selves." Our piano became of shrine of achievements by them. We had a "braggin' table."

But, guess what, parents? This ain't no little you. Here's the best advice I can give you. Get over the idea that this is you in a fresher version. When you put sperm and egg together, your control of what happens next went out the door. Sure, you can pave the way, you can make a healthy environment, you can offer love and support and opportunites to learn and grow. And you should. This is your job, along with food and shelter.

But,OMG. I am seeing some narcissistic parenting going on out there. What? What is that you say, Abby? I just want the best for my kid!

Honey, you can't always have the best. Emphasis on YOU.

This is what a wise person once said to me and when I accepted that, my stress level plummeted. She had wonderful, well adjusted children. I was about 8 months pregnant with my first, and I asked her how she did it.

"Always remember," she told me. "This is a human. This is not a pet. This is a human with a soul, who ultimately belongs to God only. You have been entrusted with this human by God. So raise your children as though you answer to God for them."

This takes "Me" out of the picture, doesn't it?

I read an article (actually, re-read it because I found it in file drawer the other day) about narcissism. A woman was writing about her mother's christmas presents, which were always disappointing to her. How she'd tried and tried to please her mother, but got only criticism in return. How her mother said over and over, I only want the best from you...er...for you.

Her mother treated her like an accessory. She got no pleasure from who her daughter was, only from the reflection of her daughter on herself.

So ask yourself: Are you looking in a mirror or at another person?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall..